I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Randomize
