Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
