I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
Randomize
