just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
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