I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
I lost the right to judge tonight
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
