well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
third nipple confirmed
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
Randomize
