we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Randomize
