let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
