I never want to see another naked old woman again.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Randomize
