we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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