so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
