Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
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