you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
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