he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Randomize
