I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Randomize
