Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
Randomize
