Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
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