Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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