I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
