when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Randomize
