i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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