She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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