i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
it was like eating out sand paper
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
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