I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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