Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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