Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
Randomize
