so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
