And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
Randomize
