i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
Randomize
