He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Randomize
