Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
