our cab driver is having phone sex.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Randomize
