honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
