I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
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