He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Randomize
