Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
Randomize
