But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
