i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Randomize
