Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
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