Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
i believe in u and ur pee
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
