It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
Randomize
