Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
Randomize
