Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
You made out with two different species that night
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
