You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Randomize
