so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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