Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
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