...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
