My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
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