I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
