you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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