One girl and one boy is just not enough.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
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